My Marriage Changed with Children

Oh man are things different now than they were when it was just Yev and me. I remember thinking I was too busy and too tired before, and how we had to make time for date night. Honestly, now I wonder what the heck I did before!

And I remember the things Yev and I used to fight about before. I would want to go to bed early, and he would want to stay up late playing video games. Omg. I can’t believe this was a real concern! Now, Yev and I are usually pushing each other out of the way to get into bed first 😂.

I remember we’d both go to the gym at the same time. We pretty much never exercise together anymore. We spend a lot more time swapping shifts to make sure the other one gets to exercise. And for you couples who can hike with your kids on your back, that’s super cool, but I can barely get myself up that hill, let alone with a toddler on my back and a baby strapped to my front. Once I’m convinced my kids are not going to eat rocks and dirt on the trail, I am looking forward to resuming our hiking days.

Going to the bathroom used to be an inconvenience in the middle of a movie or even an embarrassment in the early stages of our relationship. Now it’s like, “Praise Jesus, Hallelujah! Get out of my way. I get to be left alone, undisturbed for an extended period of time, and no one can make me feel guilty about it.”

I think the biggest change Yev and I have made is carving out time for each other’s self-care. We encourage and sometimes force the other one to spend time with friends for movie nights, art nights, pizza and poker, wine tastings. Time with your peers is essential to recalibrating. Although we usually spend most of the night talking about our kids (what did we talk about before?), talking to adults does something for our spirit. I need to be heard and listened to and have someone respond with thoughtful and insightful comments. I need to commiserate and know I’m not alone with my struggles.

One of my favorite parts of having children has been feeling my relationship with my husband deepen. Watching him love his children and support me as a wife and mother have been unparalleled experiences. The respect he shows me is kind of unbelievable. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky.