Do you have a power outfit? A suit of armor to protect you when you have to leave the house. Some people wear make up, others style their hair. I have colors. When I’m anxious, I go back to basics: black, white, and red. Because I am most comfortable in these colors, I become the most confident, and boy did I need them last night.
The older girls had orientation for kindergarten yesterday, and I was a mess. Like on the verge of throwing up and hysterically crying. I attribute quite a bit of this to being home so much from Covid. I’ve developed some social anxiety when I have to leave my house now. But it hits harder in some places than others, and for some reason their school scares the crap out of me.
For some of you who may not know me very well, it takes a lot to intimidate me. I have quite a bit of confidence in my own capabilities, but this school just sucks it out of me. It’s a STEM Academy, and although nice, they’re not very warm and fuzzy. And as a previous therapist, I am so warm and fuzzy. I believe in the importance of making people feel comfortable and building long-lasting rapport, like immediately.
Well, this school believes in the importance of a kick-ass education, which is great, but it just makes me so nervous. I am far more concerned about what my children will learn about themselves than what they’ll learn from a particular subject. I am more concerned about how my children will feel about themselves, instead of how they’ll feel about any academic discussion. I am worried that the rigorous expectations for their academic performance will negatively impact their self-esteem; however, this school’s philosophy is that they can’t give our children confidence, but they can help them earn it. Now this, I can get behind, and it reminds me why we picked this school in the first place.
I’m hoping that because this school feels different to me, I believe it may be the best compliment to my parenting approach. I’m hoping I can provide the warm and fuzzy encouragement at home, and this school can foster their critical thinking in an academic setting.
But I’m still scared and uncomfortable, which probably means I’m going to grow with my kids through this experience. But sometimes we need that temporary crutch to lean on while we feel weak to help us feel strong. A boost to get us up and out the door. I have my colors. What do you lean on?