Sex after kids got better and worse for me. I feel like I lost all of my dignity by having children. The sacred parts of me had been viewed by many, often more thoroughly than I had viewed them myself. So any reservations or shyness I had about my naked erogenous zones almost evaporated; however, the stretched out belly and deflated breasts became a new insecurity.
I don’t look like me. I don’t recognize myself. And although my body has changed, it has not gone back. Before delivery, I was blissfully unaware of the residual physical ramifications of having children. My mom had four kids and pretty much looks the same as she did before. Why would things be different for me?
Well, I learned that things could be very different for me because each body is unique. And having babies at a higher weight, then losing that weight, left a lot of saggy skin. Add a set of twins and two additional children, and my body has fluctuated significantly in the last several years.
And I’ll be honest, most days I just can’t get behind it, so I choose not to look. Because if I can’t love my body, I can at least compromise by not picking it apart. I choose to move on with my day.
These new physical insecurities eclipse any insecurities I had growing up because I can’t change any of them without surgery. And that is a huge choice. So for now, I often feel powerless. And feeling powerless about your body is not a great jumping off point for sex.
I find that the best sex is when I feel amazing about myself, when I feel sexy. Childbirth helped to quell any shyness about my lady parts. So on the days I can forget about this mangled body, I can usually enjoy sex more because of having children.
I’ve heard that sex actually feels different for some women after vaginal deliveries. Some better. Some worse. Since, I had a c-section, I can’t speak to this, but I am curious about your experience.
How did sex change for you in your post-baby body?