I had an epic post in mind for today. One that asked you to analyze the ways in which you give and receive love and how it affects your marriage. How do you navigate marital struggles when you and your spouse are not compatible in this way, and what does it mean for your marriage? It was going to be great.
And then we had a rough morning.
It would feel inauthentic to write a triumphant post when I’m currently feeling defeated. I feel exhausted, lethargic, and a little numb. I feel as if I have shut down because the stimuli simply became too much.
The only part of me that is actively raging are my cravings. The desire to emotionally eat and drink my feelings was strong this week. Yev and I have been working through some big life questions, like, “Do we want to move out of State? Where would we go? Who would come with us?” And I was not coping well.
I guess I’m still not coping great, if I’m being honest. I’ve been feeling a lot of stress inside my little body, and these sidekick emotional food cravings are just making me feel guilty. I thought I was past them. I thought I had done my work.
I have a history of emotional eating, and it tends to come back when I’m struggling the most. We’ve had a lot of tantrums lately and less-than-ideal reaction yelling. So if you’re having a rough time, me too. If you’re eating a few too many cookies, or drinking a couple extra glasses of wine, me too.
Let’s try to have a little compassion for ourselves. We can only handle so much. And sometimes that means putting on extra TV, so we aren’t yelling at our kids. Sometimes that’s us doing our best, and in our rough moments, it has to be good enough.
Love yourself enough to let go of your rules because sometimes what’s best for you and your kids is simply to exist: with the cookies, the TV, and that extra glass of wine.