I cried at preschool pick up this week. Twice. The air was hot, my emotions were awry, and my mask was stifling. Not a great combo for a mom without patience.
I silently waited to the side for the girls to come out, keeping to myself when I usually make conversation. The other moms and I have become friends, but I just didn’t have it in me. My mask and glasses hid most of my emotions, but when the girls decided to divide and conquer on me, I lost it. They ran away from me, splitting like a summer cantaloupe. I just sat on the steps and cried.
It’s pretty rare for me to fall apart, especially in public. Thankfully the other families had left, and it was only their (wonderful) teacher and me. She collected my children and their things and walked us to the car.
I didn’t even have the energy to be embarrassed. I was just out of juice.
Anyone else feel like this lately? Normally, I can handle the daily struggle of four kids in four years, but this week I couldn’t. Yev and I had had a rough start to the week, and that magnified my daily stressors with the kids. Normal tasks that I usually laugh off, felt insurmountable.
Yev and I have been maxed out with all of the kids home, but our spat turned into a wonderful conversation where we’ve been able to realign our couple goals. A few moments of vulnerability further fueled the authenticity of our relationship.
Like magic, once Yev and I worked through our stuff, my ability to cope with the kids drastically improved. It showed me that stability in marriage means stability for the family. No pressure, right?
I know that it feels like Covid has stolen our sanity and often times our happiness, but it has also illuminated areas of improvement and enjoyment. My marriage is better now than it has ever been, and some of our best family moments happened during quarantine.
But on the days when we’re a mess, know that it’s ok. Take a moment to sink into the sadness and then dive into your relationships. Honor your feelings and lean on the people who carry you through the darkness. Covid has shown you who they are. Lean into their love.
Jacqueline Pinchuk 