What’s the most annoying trait your kids have picked up from your spouse? Well the one that makes me want to rip my hair out right now is toilet paper. Who could have known that two sheets of Charmin could drive a mom insane?
Let me back up. Recently, my kids have been adding an extra step to the potty training routine. Who knew there was more than just potty and wash hands? Well, they have become obsessed with folding their toilet paper before they use it. Now, if this was just a quick fold over, then no big deal. Who am I to dictate exactly how the toilet paper is used, as long as it serves it’s designated purpose? Well my girls insist on having exactly two sheets of paper. Then they painstakingly fold it over, so it’s perfectly lined up. And they’re not dexterous enough yet for this to be a quick process, so it takes forever.
This is after I have corralled them into the bathroom because for some reason, “Let’s go potty,” actually means “Let’s run in opposite directions away from Mom.” Once I’ve plopped one on the potty, I have to make sure the other one doesn’t clog the sink in the name of “helping” or jump into the bathtub to “get clean.” Then I have to wrangle them to wash their hands without pushing the other one off the stool or trying to brush their teeth. Then it’s always a fight to not be naked. My kids would be nudists if I let them, but they’re getting old enough that clothes are kind of a requirement.
Throughout this whole process, baby V is often hollering for some attention or has clambered into the bathroom, and I’m juggling her safety as well. So potty time needs to be a relatively quick endeavor. And when I’m sitting on the edge of the bath, waiting for my children to repeatedly fold the toilet paper perfectly, it makes me wanna curse my husband (silently of course. I would never do that in front of the children). And you want to know how Yev reacts when I tell him? He preens. Well pride cometh before the fall buddy. Just wait until you’re alone with the hooliganka all day and have to take them potty 18 million times.