So I had planned on writing some epic saga about how fighting with my husband today left me hollow and broken. I was going to explain how feeling unheard triggered childhood wounds, erupting in a yelling match. I was going to describe the endless tears, soar voices, and throbbing heads. I was going to emphasize the importance of being connected to your partner and how discord within the couple will create unrest within the entire home, ending in every family member suffering.
However, I decided to check all of my gift card balances and do some online shopping. I’ve not only eaten away significantly at my allotted writing time, but I’m no longer in an emotional state to rehash the argument. I’ve decided to simply skip to the coping part of my story. How do we handle arguments with our significant other? And I’m talking about the real fights that shake your relationship’s foundation and rattle the walls of your home.
For me today, it was online shopping. It’s almost impossible for me to actually get out of the house, and I’ve been in desperate need of new clothes! I’m in that awkward phase of the mom body where I can no longer get away with wearing my pregnancy clothes, but regular clothes don’t accommodate for a little postpartum belly. I mean honestly, most of us need postpartum clothes a lot longer than we need maternity clothes. Where is the market for that?
Anyways, I don’t even fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes because I’ve lost enough weight from being gluten-free that I’m swimming in my old clothes. My shoes don’t even fit! It’s as if I was really swollen, and everything is just kind of shrinking. Sure, I’m excited to be feeling better and stronger, but I don’t exactly have the time or unlimited funds to start a massive wardrobe adventure. But today I made the time.
I decided I really needed to take care of myself; I needed a little me time. I was rundown, depleted of my energy and patience. After I put baby V down, I hopped online to check out a couple of my favorite sites. It was really fun and relaxing. The clothes haven’t even arrived, but I already feel better about myself. I will soon have clothes that simultaneously fit my body and express my creativity.
I often feel like I’m just slumming it in mom clothes, and few things make me feel worse about myself that feeling unkempt. I shower every morning and put on real clothes, whether I leave the house or not. I used to get upset when I had to change a cute outfit because of a poop explosion, so I would just wear a bunch of Hanes t-shirts and sweatpants. Dressing in pajamas all day really took a toll on my mental health, so I’ve committed to making myself a priority every single day. And for me, sometimes all I can commit to is a shower and a semi-cute outfit.
You can see why not having any clothes to fit me was causing quite a bit of distress. Well today I made myself a priority and committed to buying more clothes. Other than being mom tired, I’m feeing great!
Next time you have a fight with you significant other, spend some time investing in yourself. I’m a better wife when I take care of myself, and revisiting the argument with a calm mind is not the only integral part of moving on. We need to make changes, and I believe that begins and ends with self-care.
Jacqueline Pinchuk 